Lessons Learned as a Mommy Abroad

One of the greatest things about moving around to different countries is learning. We learn about other cultures, parts of the world and other languages. We learn what it means to sacrifice, miss people you love, and to depend on each other. And the thing that I think is most fascinating is that we learn how small and tiny we really are.

I've noticed quite a few things about parenting from living in abroad that I have found interesting and I thought from time to time, I could share a few.

So here we go...

A few about Norway:

• You can let your kids play in the rain and snow. A famous saying in Norway is: There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. And while teaching in Norway, I can now say I've been on recess duty in the cold rain and cold snow. They do have really neat weather gear to wear over their cute clothes though!!

• Maternity leave can mean a YEAR! Even Daddy gets a great maternity leave, not quite as long though. Could you imagine?

• Breastfeeding it is. Breastfeeding in public isn't weird and doesn't make people uncomfortable. And who needs a Hooter-Hider? I'll never forget going to lunch with a few of my teaching friends, who were all on their maternity leave. When I walked up to the restaurant I noticed the sidewalk was lined with empty prams (strollers). The place was filled with moms and babes! When the baby was hungry, up went the shirt and baby ate! Who knew?!

Side Note: Being the American that I am, didn't know what to do and where I could look! Ha ha! Send me back there now, I'd be a champ!

A tad about China:

• After having a baby, mommy must stay in bed, without a shower and keep a hat on her hed for one whole month. Your mother-in-law feeds you tons of food. (This, however, was not my experience for having my child in China.)

• They practice infant potty training. It is amazing! Our Housekeepers think I am crazy for constantly putting diapers on my child. One told me "You potty train your dog. Your baby is smarter than your dog. Diapers are very bad." Very true, point taken.

(I may post more on this later.)

• Family is so important to Chinese people. Actually, many times, the Mother-in-Law will raise the child. (Only one child per family). I've been asked "How do you know how to raise a child?" That is a good question. Then I was suggested to hire someone who "knows what they are doing" to raise my kiddo.

They weren't being rude, by the way. Politeness can get lost in translation. They were trying to help a girl out!

Any who, if anything, I hope you know that when raising children, WE as mothers are in this together! All parents want the same for their children...a wonderful life.

A Big Picture Thought:

Our little family is preparing for our next big move. The only thing is, we don't know where it will be and don't know exactly when. What we do know is it will be by June 30th and it's not in our hands.

This used to be something that I would anticipate, worry about, and loose sleep over. However, one of the things I have learned on this journey is that when it is NOT in your hands, you do NOT stress over. Isn't that wonderful how it works like that!? I now see it as a huge relief to know that it is not up to me.

I'm sure, someone has told you before, to "Give it up to God!"

(HA! Easy for you to say!)

Usually, this is about something stressing and consuming that you physically can't make happen. But you want to be able to fix this problem so bad. Well, I feel like I can finally give it up to God and let him take control. It is much more reassuring to know He is in control of it anyway!! He will do a much better job than I any day!!

Here is what it says in the Bible about this:

1 Peter 5:7

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Let's be honest, this is a great gift as a parent. God is good, that is for sure!

My Children Would Never: How to Affirm your Child, Part 2

Before I became a Mom, I had lofty, pie in the sky dreams of what motherhood would be. I couldn't wait for the sweet, powder fresh, calm, quiet infant. My baby would never cry or fuss. As he would grow into a toddler, he would never test boundaries and my older children would always be respectful and obedient...and then the children were born.

I can't tell you how many times I have had both feet and hands in my mouth from saying, "my children will never......." or "I will never allow my child to ........" In fact, I truly believe that anyone who says that their child is perfect, always happy, sleeps on schedule and a perfect little angel all the time... must be the grandma.

After our children were born, I swore to myself that I would never forget the middle of the night feedings, the colic at dinner time, the dumping of house plants and eating the dirt, me walking all the way down the aisle after communion to find my entire blouse unbuttonedand Scott trying to nurse.

I promised, I would remember these things so that I would not be that obnoxious mother that told me that her child NEVER did any of those things. There were days when my girlfriends (did I really call them that?) had me believing that I had birthed three little toots. Seriously, you would have sworn that their children, who were all about two to six years older than ours, were perfect little angels and boy, did they ever feel sorry for me!

But after a day of hearing that "my child never did that", I would go into my children's rooms and say prayers with them, tell them how much Mommy and Daddy loved them and I knew in my heart that God had given us very special gifts. I never in a million years thought I could love three little people as much as I loved them.

Now, affirming little children who were perfectly ours was easy. Now you notice, I didn't say perfect, they were perfectly ours. Remember the old saying "The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree"? Well this was definitely true in our case.

Affirmations should be truthful and not empty praise. I always felt that praying with and for your child is one of the most affirming things you can do for yourself and for your child. Think about it, don't you feel affirmed when you know that someone is praying for you? Just Him hearing you say,"Thank you for giving me three wonderful, unique children. Please keep Sarah safe at preschool tomorrow and keep Brandon calm as he takes his spelling test. Please help Scott to be his best self and most of all let each and every one of their lights shine. Let them use their special gifts that you gave them and share them with others. Amen."

Keep the affirmations exact, honest and loving. Sayings like:

~ "I'm so glad God gave you to me."

~"You are a gift from God to the world."

~ "We are glad you are in our family because this is where you belong."

~ "We love holding you and having you near us."

~ "You are such a blessing to us."

There are so many ways you can affirm your children from the time they are born through adulthood. Before long, the roles reverse and they will be affirming you. Now that's a great feeling.

Children are Silly Putty: Growing a Heart through Affirmations

Who has never had Silly Putty? That lightly colored piece of dough sold in a plastic egg. It has been around for years and years. Remember how you could cut it with scissors and then press it back together again? Remember how it would pick up the print when pressed onto a piece of newsprint or the funny papers? Remember how you could lay it out on your night stand over night and then find it the next morning so flat that it almost blended into the furniture? Remember after doing each of these things (and many more) that you could just roll it back together again and it looked just like new? It wasn't new, it had been altered but with a little rolling it looked just like it did when it came out of the egg!

Well, after playing with some at school one day, I started thinking about how we are all like Silly Putty. When looking back at our lives, we can all probably remember things that were said, facial expressions that were observed, tones of voices that were heard, nicknames that were called, affirmations that were made to each of us that molded us into the people we are today. Some of these things are positive and some of them are not. We may not even remember who the people were. They may have been insignificant in our lives but their action or words were not. They changed us, molded us but on the outside we still looked the same. Just like the Silly Putty.

I am going to share a couple of memories with you that should have been forgotten or stored way back in the crevices of my mind to never be remembered but they are still there. I have MANY and I know you do too. I was fortunate to have more positive memories than negative and I am grateful to everyone for that.

When I was four years old, like many little girls, my dream was to be a ballerina. I loved the pink tutu and tights. I loved the graceful twirling and the music. I couldn't wait to take lessons!

Well the day finally arrived and I was enrolled in a dance studio. I didn't get to take ballet like I had hoped because ballet was for daintier, more graceful little girls. I was a tall "big-boned" four year old with red hair. I was taught that day that pink tutus would clash with red hair. So I was enrolled in a tap class where I wore a black leotard with light pink tights. Much more becoming.

One class, I was in the back row and was giggling and whispering to my friend next to me and much to my embarrassment, my teacher called me to the front of the class. She called me Rita Beth (I knew I was in trouble when I heard my middle name) asked me to bend over at the waist, gently spanked my bottom and sent me back to my place in line. Now as I returned to line, I forced a slight smile to my lips to hold back the tears of embarrassment. I NEVER spoke a word in that class again.

I don't know the teacher's name, the name of the studio, I wouldn't even recognize her if she walked through the door today, but that definitely impacted me. For years I was known as a shy, quiet girl who wouldn't read loud enough for the teacher to hear her in class.

On the other hand, the memory of my Dad was that he was my never ending encourager. He was blunt, to the point and always said what he meant. I didn't always take it well when it was said but looking back on it they were words of wisdom.

I have many memories of him saying to me things like, Keep it up Rita Beth.~ The sure way to lose is to never try. ~ Never believe anyone that says you can't because you can!~ Aways do your best and you will have no regrets. ~ Nothing is a downer like a frown. ~ God gave you the looks you have. You better be happy with them because that's all you have. ~ A smile will make you and others around you feel better. ~ Nobody really wants to know how bad you feel.~ You are my Miss America. ~ God first, family second. ~ God is always there and so is family. ~ Nobody on Earth loves you as much as your parents.

There were many others, my Mom, my brother and sister, Mrs. Ferguson - a Sunday School Teacher, even my own children; too many to list. Some were good memories and some were not, but they all helped to mold me, change me and form me into who I am today.

The reason I am writing such a lengthy blog about this is because how we communicate verbally and nonverbally with children will change them. It will be stored in their little minds and could alter how they think about themselves and their actions...forever. Don't we want them to be secure, confident, independent adults? Think about it.

Let them know how special they are, love them, communicate with them, respect them, discipline them and let them know that you, God and others care about them.

Today think about different conversations, events or relationships that helped to mold you. Remember, throughout the day, that we are all Silly Putty.

Who's the Boss at Grandma's House?

OK, now that I am an official Grammy of three adorable little grandsons, I feel that I can be an expert on this subject. hahaha! (Is anyone ever worthy of the title "expert"?) This is our first holiday season where all the boys will be here and participating in the celebrations so I am VERY new at this role.

When you and your children go to visit grandparents or other relatives, who will make the rules and do the disciplining? Whose rules apply - yours or Grandma's?

Most of the time it makes sense for the house rules to apply - rules of the house you're visiting. You can decide with your children that some behavior may be all right at Grandma's but not all right when they get home again. For example, grandparents may permit children to stay up later than is allowed at home or maybe have two helpings of dessert.

This doesn't mean that grandparents should undercut parent's authority. Some behavior is not acceptable no matter where it takes place. For, example, running wild, jumping on furniture, destroying the house, is a no-no. Period.

As parents, you are the protectors of your children, even when it means your wishes go against grandparents' or other relatives' wishes. Sometimes you must insist on your own rules for your kids' sakes.

Talk to your parents, or other relatives before you arrive and let them know what your ground rules are and ask them to help you make the trip more pleasant by supporting your guidelines.

Fellow Grandparents, please follow the parents' lead.

It will be less confusing for your children and make the holidays more pleasant for all.

Have fun and make happy memories.

EnJOY the Season

'Tis the season! We hear it and see it EVERYWHERE! Take stock of what you really want your children to remember about Christmas. Is it the story of Baby Jesus? Is it Santa Claus? Is it singing Christmas Carols? Is it the lighted Christmas Tree? All of these memories are special.

Since I am the eldest of the posters on this blog, my concept of the Christmas season is a little different from Sarah's and Suzie's. Now, when I was their age and had children the age of my grandchildren, I thought just like they do now. Their enthusiasm, joy, and love of the season is uplifting and fun! This is how holiday memories are made.

I, however, see it from a different perspective now. Christmas should not be a stressful time of year. Exciting, yes, but not stressful. Take a few moments to enjoy the true meaning of Christmas with your family. Make memories your children will carry on to their children. Relax and enjoy. While getting ready for Christmas is so fun, the truth is, your children won't remember the perfectly wrapped gifts, the perfect Christmas tree or the big, fluffy bows on the staircase. They will remember the warm hugs, smiles and the joyful enthusiasm and anticipation of Christmas.

Grammy's Tips:

Here's a little tip for this busy season. At the end of the day, when your floors are covered with toys and your couch with laundry, set your timer for three minutes. Take a few laundry baskets and gather up all the toys in one and throw the laundry in the other. Put them in a closet or any place that is out of sight (so that you are not reminded of what needs to be done.) Turn the lights low (the dust doesn't show:) and light the tree and candles. Take some time to sit quietly with your family and read a story, look at the Christmas cards you have received, play a short game, talk about the many gifts God has given us that are not under the tree... These feelings are what children will remember, and believe it or not, when your children are grown up these are the precious memories that you will have of the holidays as well.

Relax and have fun! Enjoy this season and the many blessings it brings.